One month

So now been here over a month. We are in our house now. I love it. The boys love having a garden too. We have our services conected finally. Foxtel tv basic package is $40 a month. Just short of £20 however the tv is quite bad! Electricity has to be set up DD or else you must pay them a $200 bond. Phone took nearly 3 weeks and costs $40 a month and internet to get a decent allowance and speed costs $50 a month. My home insurance was $405 for the year. Equivelent to what i would have paid back in the uk.

First post AUS side!!

So here we are. Nearly 2 weeks in. I thought an update was in order!
THE FLIGHT: We arrived at Heathrow early. Straight to check in the luggage. I had a tearful moment not brought on by what I was leaving behind but by shear fear! After check in a fag was in order. Then upstairs to check ourselves in. Easy peasy. Airside at heathrow is a souless place I hated it and could not wait to get going. We where boarded first onto the new airbus. Take off was nothing to write home about. Nothing at all to worry about so god knows what I was paniking at. Turning.... well thats another matter till I got used to it my heart was in my mouth. The actual flight was a nightmare. Older lads where excited and spent 13 hours eating and on the loo! Baby was an absoulute pleasure and screamed for 90% of the flight. Deep joy. Landing was easy and I was gagging for a fag. We collected our buggy and off we went into singapore airport. Found smoking area and had a quick puff in what seemed like paradise. Then back to get connecting flight to Sydney. That was better and the baby slept thank god. Clearing customs was easy and straightforward apart from me forgetting to declare baby food! Mil fil bil and sil all waiting for us in arrivals and then a long drive home.
Stepping out of the car in Kotara i looked down to check for a frost. There was no frost but the grass is so diffrent underfoot all hard and crunchy.

The jet lag wasnt to bad just a few early starts and afternoon naps.

OFFICIAL STUFF: On monday 10th we made a start on getting the official stuff started. We went down and registered for medicare. I ordered a tfn. We opened a bank account. You know the fun stuff. I have to say I was amazed in the bank by how polite and helpful the staff where. Same with medicare never before have I encountered government staff so happy to help and easy to talk too. she also helped us sort out our centrelink stuff.

THE BEACHES: are amazing. Clean sand and beutiful and oh my when can I go back! The bub loved the sand. The kids got wet through thanks to super dad throwing them in water without the bathing cossies on!

THE SHOPS: are yeah ok. Its not oxford street but the local mall is good. Noticed some price diffrences but nothing major. The regular offers and sales are great! I love kmart and target much to hubbys disgust.

THE GREAT RENTAL HUNT: Well in the time we have been here, what 13 days. We have viewed 4 houses. The first was too small, tiny bedrooms I believe it may have once been a large two bed but some bright spark decided to devide the bedrooms. The second we liked but were a little wary as the garden isn't fenced but we applied anyway. The third was great perfect inside but had a postage stamp lawn so that was a no. The fourth I fell in love with but we didnt get. We did get no. 2 though and sign the dotted line next week.

SCHOOLS: We only viewed one. The head did such a good job on us the boys start monday. School seems more relaxed here. Not so structured but very child friendly. The grounds of Kotara south are huge. Uniform is astonishingly cheap. The canteen seems amazing. All in all I think the boys will be very happy.

WORK: Well husband dearest has started work. He was in 5 days after we arrived! At the moment he is doing all his saftey courses and site inductions. Seems keen which is good. i think for now I shall stay home with baby so hubby can work longer hours and do overtime easily.

All in all I am happy we came yes I have pangs of homesickness but the boys are so happy and both Garry and me are more relaxed.

cry me a river 4th November

So I am there again. In pieces. Blotchy eyes runny nose and heavy heart. I feel so raw and emotional almost like I am grieving. Perhaps in some way I am. I am angry and I don't know why. I am weepy and scared. So scared. Am I doing the right thing taking the boys away from family. Am I strong enough to get used to a whole new way of life. I cry every time I let myself think about things. The only way I can function is to ignore it. Yet Garry reminds me. It is his way of not letting me bury my head in the sand. I need him close yet feel he has never been further away. Maybe we are wrapped up in our personal battles. Who knew what a head screw this would be?

There will be tears before bedtime

What a hideous day today will be. I can feel it in my bones and my snotted up nose and watery eyes. Not a cold, a tearful farewell. Mother arrived on Monday and admirably has held it all together whilst spending time with the boys. I have had to leave the room on occasion to give myself a slap and a mental "pull yourself together" lecture. As everyone else in the house lies sleeping I am awake and dreading these final hours together. Ive already had a sob on Garry's shoulder but hes had to go to work now. How I wish he was here to hold my hand.
I chickened out last night and came to bed early so I did not have to witness his goodbyes. This morning as I blew snot into his shoulder and my lip trembled he told me of Mum making him promise to take care of us. That finished me off.
She says she will try visit only its not so simple as they are disabled and on a low income. I will put what I can aside. I just know its going to be some time before we see each other again.
I have coped by submersing myself in organising this move and not actually thinking about it. Now there's nothing left to do, I am trying not to think about it. Saying goodbye though that will tear me in two.

TBC.....

PART 2

Its right when they say saying goodbye is the hardest part. I type this through tears. We held it together all morning by keeping busy. My house has never sparkled like this before. It was every bit as awful and gut wrenching as I had imagined and then some. My boys are breaking there hearts and I can't comfort them. I've tried but I cant even stem my own tears. Connor is laid with his head on my lap and I can feel his tears seeping through my trousers. Kieron held it together till we got in the house. Now he just wants to be on his own and cry. Tears are theraputic right?

Mum held me and sobbed and told me how proud she is. I love her all the more for not asking me to stay. She had a hard time accepting our decision so that means a lot, away now to hold my boys close and hopefully we will find comfort in each other

Too late now

Sunday 5th October. Husband had a mighty wobble wondering if we where doing the right thing. If prehaps we where making a very expensive mistake. What if things didnt work out? He and Daniel are still having issues. I wonder if prehaps husband is too tough or maybe I am too soft with him? Maybe they have just got into a rut antognising each other...

I hope with all my heart they can become close again. Daniel worships Garry and tries so hard to engage him but both are big grudge holders so no ground seems to be gained. Dan does not help himself with his silly mistakes and Garry seems to be especially tough on him because of previous mistakes. A vicious circle I hope can be overcome. Two people whom are scarily alike and whom I love equally it pulls me in two when they have spats.

I am concerned about the husbands wobble too. Its me that is ment to have wobbles. All along Garry has reassured me this is the right thing to do and that everything will be fine. I am not comfortable in the role reversal. I am selfish prehaps needing Garry to be the strong certain one... I know he too is entitled to his worries but he is my rock and it shakes my foundations when he is uncertain. His concerns are just as valid no less so for him knowing what he is going to. Maybe he worries as to how we will settle. Maybe he worries people will expect him to still be the guy who left and for him to still be the tearaway they knew? Maybe I should stop trying to second guess him!

He is the person I have come to depend upon. He is the foundations of our family. I know with him we will be safe. I hope he has no regrets. We have one chance at this life I should tell him I guess that if it doesnt work its not failure. Maybe that is his worry.


Monday 6th October: I offered to call everything off. Before we where in too deep. However we are going to see it through. We shall try. I will give 100% to make this work. I am told these feelings are normal a part of the process. That makes me feel no better. This time these feelings are ours and ours alone.

The removal men arrived at 9.30. It was all done by 1pm. They where fast and proffesional. My stomach is still in knots. Our life is in boxes. Our tresured memories are insomeone elses hands. Years of photos. Cards and outfits from the children as babies. My husbands irraplacable record collection. All entrusted to strangers to get them safely to our new life.

It feels strange in a house thats stripped of the personal touches is no longer a home. This waiting game we are playing is harder than I expected. This is probably the toughest thing we have faced as a family starting again in a strange place. Its an adventure yes but a scary one nonetheless.

38 days and counting

Well as the title says we have 38 days left before we depart these shores.
The removal men come in 6 days. I am trying to be helpful and move everything thats going into one room. This means the house looks bare. It also means the boys are sleeping all together on a mattress. Not much sleeping is getting done but lots of giggling.

All the cases are lined up neatly in our bedroom. Still need to find new homes for heaps of stuff too. Washer fridge microwave sofas bed drawers desk all not coming with us.

This still doesnt seem real. Who would have thought little old me would emigrate! Thats something other people do. Proper grown ups.

The man from down under he say yes!!!

Whoop!!! On Thursday afternoon I got the golden email. My visa has been granted. I screamed I cried I panicked. It was always unlikely that it would be denied but nothing prepared me for feeling so pleased.

Evening Thursday 11th: Garry made the call to his uncle to see if the work was there for him. It was! Another hurdle overcome. Another jig danced.

Friday 12th September: I am weary. Kept awake by a 5 year old whom does not belong to me. Booked one way flights to Aus. We leave on the 7th November. Now it feels real. Booked one way travel insurance too. Cancelled home insurance. Sent a notice letter to landlord. Cancelled tv liscense. Nipped to town bought 2 large suitcases. Still need another large and a medium case. Have packed some of the boys clothes that they can live without. Told my mum she was not a happy mummy. What can I do? I want my children to have a better life. They wont get that here. It breaks my heart to upset people but I have to do whats right for my little family.

Moving goal posts

The other evening Hubby suddenly announced he wanted to go asap. November not April as he didnt think he could stick out his current job that long.

Cue me frantically arranging on site qoutes from removelists and cheking airfares. So far we have had two removelists round. The first the baby bit! The second was slating other companies not very proffesional. Waiting on the qoutes but fingers crossed it wont be too bad since we are taking so little.

HMCS letter confirming sole pr arrived this morning so is now on its way to Aus house. Fingers crossed for me please!!!

Summer Holidays medicals and all the rest.

Upon our return to London my first job was to wade through 698 emails. All junk. Bar one from our c/o. She was requesting medicals and proof of my sole PR of older boys. Have sent of to HMCS for a search into pr with a bit of luck it will be back next week.

Ds1 and hubby went to wembely to watch England. I shall not comment futher as I am insanely jealous I could not go.

We had our visa meds on the 27th. I was mortified as had to strip and was wearing granny pants. Also quizzed on sexual history. Please read following conversation.
DR: "Have you ever had High risk sexual intercourse"
ME: "what? Like in a public place"
DR: "no with a homosexual or intrevenious drug user" whilst peering over glasses with a look of disgust.

Ah well I think it went ok other than that. Now we just wait. Hahahaha waiting is not one of my strong points. I am not a patient person.

Kids also went London zoo with there uncle. Again i am not jealous. That is all I have to say about that!

Are you going to Scarborough Fair

So we went ooop North for a week. The aim of the visit to relax and see the rellies. Two phrases that do not gel well. How was Scarborough people ask? WET. It rained all bar one day. I had packed myself floaty summery things of course. Still we got to see my grans. Gran 1 had just had an op and was not doing so well. Gran 2 is still as mad as a hatter. The boys got to go to the seafront on the one nice day we had. They found a tardis and that made the holiday for them.

They spent time pottering about on Auntie amys farm. Rode horses fed cows and genrally tried country life. Me I realised I cannot live in somewhere so quiet. I need civilisation. I need an internet connection!!! Still a good time was had by all. I didnt turn into a teenager and argue with my brother and sister although it has to be said there where times it was a close run thing.

Fingers crossed its gone to the immi gods

So I have sent it. It has gone. Our fate now lies in the hands of the immi gods at Aus house. Yesterday was a mad one. Had a dash to the local solicitors office to get a certified copy of Hubbys passport and visa. My god that women scares me.

Came back and rang Aus house. Spoke to a nice man called Bjorn. He told me if I have sole PR I dont need exes permission to take the kids. Just to write a letter stating I have sole PR. So I stuck it all in the post and got it sent. It was delivered today. Excited you better belive it. Nervous well my stomach resembles a washing machine on spin cycle. I am impatient this is going to be living hell!

Stress and progress and a few grey hairs

So I posted Gals Resident return visa off to get his passport re evidenced. Whoop that means progress on the visa for me front. Should take about two weeks.

Spoke to a lady at Australia house and got some bad news. I need to go along with the consent form my ex signed a certified copy of his passport or drivers liscence. So I had to call him and hear his latest sob story. I need it within the next two weeks so my application can get started without a hitch. He however is as not a reliable fella. I gave his sister a ring too in the hope she coud chivvy him along. So keep your fingers crossed for me. I need this in asap so we can start to book flights and the like.

I am worrying about the cost atm so feel like I have aged years over the past months.

Gal and Charlie have the new liverpool shirts though I am such a soft touch

5 Today

So my little boy is 5 today. Never has anyone been so excited about a birthday. He has been counting down for weeks. He got heaps of cool stuff. Smart clothes and trainers a ds and games. Jigsaw wall-e remote control, Dr who figures. Lovely to see him so pleased. Have to go choose a birthday cake soon. Here is the birthday boy



Also the 888 forms arrived from MIL. Yay!!!! Dh can get his Visa in new passport now and I can then get the application in. Wow. I am sick to the stomach thinking about it. Not second thoughts just am I doing the right thing nerves. God I cannot have second thoughts we have spent a fortune On this already what with passports police checks sunsuits for the boys a laptop.

Arrgh oh well its all worth it in the end I am sure!

I want to bury my head in the sand

Firstly the police check certificate is back. I am not a criminal. No crime lord has stolen my identity. I am not going to need the A team. So that means if I get my visa I will have to enter Australia by 17th June 09.

I am not feeling too chipper. In fact I could quite happily climb into bed and sob. I think its a combination of stuff. I am one of lifes worriers I could make it a national sport and win olympic gold.

I am worried about money which seems to have taken on a water like ability to flow away. We are dipping into our Aus fund. I am worried about Australia. Will I settle? Will I make friends? Will I cope with the heat, the spiders? Will we be able to afford to live comfortably with all the extra expenses.

I am worried about our upcoming trip to Scarborough. It feels like the final goodbye. It will quite possibly be the last time I see my grandparents and that breaks my heart. Probably made worse by my grans current frail state. I know she must be getting worse as mum has cancelled her visit. Who knows when I will next see my Mum my brother and sister, We wont be able to come back for quite some time there are too many of us and flights are so expensive.

I worry about dan at school what with his current problems there. hopefully they are under control but I still have a niggling worry.

I worry about my sister and her daughter. She doesnt seem to have taken to parenthood. She struggles. So my mum takes over. Nice. I call my sister the part time parent. Everyone bending over backwards to help and I cant help feeling she will never learn unless she is made to get on with it.

I am worn out to be frank. I have so much on my mind so much to organise. I never get a day off. I never get a chance to just be me. Sometimes I am not sure who "me" is anymore. I never get time out just to chill. Even when the kids are in bed stuff needs doing organising cleaning. I have not felt so lousy for a long time. Its like I am treading water how long can it continue before you just get too tierd and sink?

I know deep down the feeling will pass. I have a lot to be thankful for. So go on tell me to get a grip

Nuclear explosions Toxic spillages and so forth

So I stayed up past my bedtime last night. Cuddled on the sofa watching crappy tv. God I wish I had gone to bed early. Really struggled to wake up this morning. Went through to baby's room. It hit me. The pong. He however was oblivious sat in his cot gurgling and chewing his cuddly. I lift him up at arms length. Shit! Literally everywhere. A toxic leak a nuclear explosion call it what you will. It was bloody everywhere. First things first. A fishwife yell brings eldest son running to see what the commotion is about it. Even he blanched as he entered the room of doom. Open a window quick I mumble whilst trying not to breath.

How to get a shit covered vest off a wriggling child is one of life's great conundrums. Now I cannot employ hubby's method as I nearly combusted with outrage when I saw his answer a few weeks back. Hubby tackles this problem by snatching the scissors and cutting the baby out of his soiled garments.

I decide to mop up as much excess as possible with baby wipes. Then stretch the vest to its limits to take it off over the head. Result - a baby streaked in excrement from nappy to nose. A quick wipe of the really bad bits and a jog with smelly one at arms length to the bathroom. Shower on baby dangled in stream of water. Jobs a good un. Well apart from Stinky is now outraged and screaming loud enough to be heard in the southern hemisphere.

I bundle screaming baby in a towel and dry him all the time aware that its 7 am and the noise level is rising. I resort to bribery nappy on biscuit in mouth silence. I pay my 9 year old to strip the shitty cot whilst I go rouse the other boys.

Connor and Kieron have pillows over there heads. Connor mumbles about the noise but with the promise of jam on toast leaps from bed. Kieron however does not move. I prize the pillow off his head. Deathly white face peers back. Mummy I feel sick whimpers the bed ridden one. Oh bloody great I think. I have a meeting with the head teacher at 9 and a parent teacher conference at 9.20. I also have a mound of shitty bedding to sort out. My patience is wearing thin so I march out then back again with a bowl and a glass of water. If you vomit make sure you hit the bowl I mutter. Then I am attacked by guilt as a result of my appalling bedside manner so spend all of 20 seconds stroking his cheek and frantically mumbling soothing things.

Back to the stinky baby who left to his own devices has de nappied himself and weed on the kitchen floor. Dan my eldest takes charge and starts ordering Connor to get washed and dressed. He passes me the disinfectant and I stare in awe at him until he barks "the floor mum" onto the knees and a half hearted mop up. Get baby dressed in record time maybe he senses I am a women on the edge because he lays still and it all goes smoothly.

I am now sat here drinking the coffee my Boy made me. Its 8.20am I want to go back to bed.

Passports kid trouble and other musings

So firstly the passports arrived. Well all but hubbys renewel which is due today. So I get out the visa application to fill in passport numbers. I also put it all together with the evidencing. Discover we need certified copies. A quick post on PIO to discover what this is and how to get it. Phone round local solicitors. Am qouted between 5 and 25 quid a document! Some diffrence. Anyway am going down on Wednesday to get it done. Husband has got my police check thingy whatsit countersigned so that can go in the post today. Still no word from the MIL as to if she got our stat decs witnessed and posted. So thats the Aussie news. Oh and I have run out of ink again in the damn printer. What do I expect when I am forever printing stuff for this visa. More costs that I had not factored in.

Now onto the children. Eldest son is having troubles at school. Has been going on for ages which I guess explains his behaviour. We only found out third hand via a classmate. Sickening considering I have been asking his teacher for months. still I went in last week and had a good chat with the deputy who promised action.

Then last night I sent eldest to the shops for milk and bread with a tenner. What happened is still unclear as I have now heard 3 stories. The facts are one of 3 kids took the money off my son against his will. He then had to beg to get it back and was subjected to much teasing. He came home upset. I saw the kids outside my house and went to have a word. They did not deny it. Instead my sons old mate who is 9 and one of this group told me to F off and what the F was i going to fing do about it.....

I phoned the youth club the kids attend and asked them to deal with it. An hour later the girl from the group was at my door saying it wasnt R but her who had taken the money and she wasnt stealing it just playing. I don't know but if this is the case you would have thought r would have said so rather than swear and carry on. Also she was begging me not to speak to the school as she would get the blame..

I do not want to make things worse for D at school but I do want this sorting. Whatever the story I will not be spoken to like that by kids of 9. If my son used that language I would be mortified.

I refuse to let my bright little boy have his school life made a misery by these little monsters.

Playing catch up

So I thought we best do a quick catch up so my blog from here on makes sense.

Me and the husband got married in November 2007. Great day even if I was a nervous gibbering wreak. We had our first dance to the birdie song. We got together in 2005. have never looked back. He raises the older children as if they were his. He is daddy as the ex is noticable by his absence.

After the wedding Hubby started talking about taking me and the kids back to Aus. His reasoning was to raise them in an environment thats more family friendly and wil let the kids remain kids for longer.

I was very anti. I did not want to leave England. I would miss my family. I was scared it wouldn't be for me. I terrified of spiders I hate flying and am crap in excessive heat. We talked and talked and talked.

I really am not sure what changed. I guess I came to realise you only get one chance at life. That my home would be wherever the boys and hubby was.

So we did costings and research and decided it was possible. I broke the news to my mum whom shall we say took it badly and put the phone down on me. My gran however was fantastic. Without her backing I doubt I would have been able to do this. Mum is slowly getting used to the idea. I think.

So the first step was to sort out 6 passports. The kids and I all needed first passports. Hubby needed some details on his changed. So we had to get pictures done. To the magic booth. Me and hubby go first and pay good money for pictures that make us look like convicts. then the kids in age order. Have you ever tried those booths with small people? Balancing on a wobbly stool on their knees. Trying to keep heads straight eyes open. We took the baby to a photographer. eventually with a lighter wallet we returned home with our delightful photos. I am not vain but hell fire I have to show people this photo!!!

After weeks og nagging hubby finally got the forms counter signed by his boss. Off we sent them. Then i had to go for an interview last Thursday at the Elephant and castle office. Wow what a lovely place. I am sure I got my mothers DOB wrong. So am waiting anxiously to see what happens now.

As for the visa application. The forms are almost all filled in ready to go. We still need hubby to do his bit. Ex has signed consent forms but not given me a copy of his drivers lisence yet.He has promised to email me it today. Mother in law needs to return stat decs. She tells me she is visiting a jp today to get them signed. Husband has taken my police check stuff to get his boss to counter sign today. So next step once passports arrive send off police check and get hubby to go to Australia house for his residents certificate and to get his visa transfered to his new passport.

Then with a bit of luck the stuff we need from MIL and ex will be here. so I can go ahead book medicals and send in the damn form. My head is spinning.

Me myself and I

So this is my blog. A place for my ramblings. I am me. I am 29 a wife, mother, housekeeper, laundrette, chef, financial, manager, teacher, the list goes on. I like to read. I used to like to ride. I have a passion for music the good the bad and the downright awful. I am a northerner in London. Most of the time I am out of my depth. Welcome to the world of parenting!

There is my husband. He is 27. He works in the building trade. He is my scaffold the thing that holds me up. His outlets are he DJs and produces music. A noisy expensive hobby. He can have me in stiches with his warped sense of humour.

THE SMALL PEOPLE

There is eldest son. 9 going on 19. To give him a label "the bright one". He like many 9 year olds adores gaming with fifa and lego star wars been firm favourites. He is a sci fi nut and says he wants to be a time lord or jedi knight when he grows up. Who are we to disalussion him.

There is son number 2. Nearly 6. The "cheeky" one. He has a butter wouldnt melt face. DO NOT be fooled. He is cuddly and loving. He loves peter pan and the lion king. At one stage we had to call him Peter.

Son number 3. Nearly 5. Our little "tough nut". Very sure of himself. Wants to be just like daddy. Loves to dance. Has a lazy streak.

The baby. He is 1. He completes our little unit. Who knows what he will be. He crawls around at 100 miles an hour refuses to walk without holding on and has the entire family wrapped around his chubby fingers.