I want to bury my head in the sand

Firstly the police check certificate is back. I am not a criminal. No crime lord has stolen my identity. I am not going to need the A team. So that means if I get my visa I will have to enter Australia by 17th June 09.

I am not feeling too chipper. In fact I could quite happily climb into bed and sob. I think its a combination of stuff. I am one of lifes worriers I could make it a national sport and win olympic gold.

I am worried about money which seems to have taken on a water like ability to flow away. We are dipping into our Aus fund. I am worried about Australia. Will I settle? Will I make friends? Will I cope with the heat, the spiders? Will we be able to afford to live comfortably with all the extra expenses.

I am worried about our upcoming trip to Scarborough. It feels like the final goodbye. It will quite possibly be the last time I see my grandparents and that breaks my heart. Probably made worse by my grans current frail state. I know she must be getting worse as mum has cancelled her visit. Who knows when I will next see my Mum my brother and sister, We wont be able to come back for quite some time there are too many of us and flights are so expensive.

I worry about dan at school what with his current problems there. hopefully they are under control but I still have a niggling worry.

I worry about my sister and her daughter. She doesnt seem to have taken to parenthood. She struggles. So my mum takes over. Nice. I call my sister the part time parent. Everyone bending over backwards to help and I cant help feeling she will never learn unless she is made to get on with it.

I am worn out to be frank. I have so much on my mind so much to organise. I never get a day off. I never get a chance to just be me. Sometimes I am not sure who "me" is anymore. I never get time out just to chill. Even when the kids are in bed stuff needs doing organising cleaning. I have not felt so lousy for a long time. Its like I am treading water how long can it continue before you just get too tierd and sink?

I know deep down the feeling will pass. I have a lot to be thankful for. So go on tell me to get a grip