cry me a river 4th November

So I am there again. In pieces. Blotchy eyes runny nose and heavy heart. I feel so raw and emotional almost like I am grieving. Perhaps in some way I am. I am angry and I don't know why. I am weepy and scared. So scared. Am I doing the right thing taking the boys away from family. Am I strong enough to get used to a whole new way of life. I cry every time I let myself think about things. The only way I can function is to ignore it. Yet Garry reminds me. It is his way of not letting me bury my head in the sand. I need him close yet feel he has never been further away. Maybe we are wrapped up in our personal battles. Who knew what a head screw this would be?