By the light of the moon

Every evening as night starts to fall,
I look at the moon and think of you all.
Separated by oceans and many miles away,
you enter my thoughts at the end of each day.
How I miss all the things we used to share,
How I miss simply having you there.
So now when I am lonely or feeling blue,
When the craving hits to share things with you,
I look at the moon shining up there,
The very same moon that we all share.
So the next time you look up at the end of the day,
Be sure that I am thinking of you half a world away.

2 years down the line

Today sees me celebrating or perhaps commiserating. Why you ask? Well today marks the 2 year anniversary of landing in Australia. I can clearly remember the excitement mixed with trepidation as we disembarked the flight at Sydney. I managed to forget I had baby food in my hand luggage whoops! It was a warm evening and there were palm trees blowing gently. As we climbed into Gals mum and dads car I felt terrified. What the hell had I done. I did not know this branch of his family. I had no idea how I would cope in warm weather and I was terrified of creepy crawlies.

I can still remember the incredible tiredness that lasted a few days. The fact that I checked my shoes before I would put them on and gave the bathroom a thorough inspection before I could bring myself to use the loo. The terror was mingled with an incredible excitement. We had done it. We were  all embarking on a new life in Australia. Things slotted into place quite nicely in those first few months and despite the gut wrenching feeling of missing loved ones I was optimistic about our future.

I have told before how it didn't quite stay like that. Its been a tough 18 months financially and emotionally. So two years in how do I feel? I'm hoping easier times are around the corner. I could easily blame Australia for the bad time we have had, but I wont. Whatever happens I am still glad of the chance to live somewhere this unique glad that my children have experienced this.

So I shall drink a toast to celebrate how strong I am to have coped with all I have had too. I will drink a toast to celebrate how well my children have adapted. I hope Australia will forgive me if I also shed a few tears for what I lost and left behind.

Christmas is coming and with it people sickness.

Its the one thing everyone mentions when you move a fair distance. Its something you are aware of from day dot. YOU WILL MISS PEOPLE. You never realize how much until you have actually moved.

I am fine most of the time. I just get on with life. Then something happens, something good, something bad just something and the people you want to share it with most are so very far away.

With Garry and his mental health issues It was the isolation that made it harder for me to handle. The people I know would have been able to help me cope or talk to Garry were all on the other side of the world. Some people really have no equal.

I am constantly amazed at how much I miss Garry's Nan. That women is fantastic shes loud shes brash and she is one in a million. I will never ever forget how she welcomed us into the family. Uncle Gal and his brood. I miss him even though when I first met him I thought he was an obnoxious bellend! He is like mould he grows on you hahaha. My boys adore this man. The feeling is mutual. They don't have anyone like that here and that makes me sad.

I miss my Jojo I don't have that all holds bared female friendship over here and cannot see me ever loving another friend like I love Jo.

I miss my grandparents. They are growing old and frail. It scares me I may not see them alive again. My grandparents have probably been the biggest influence in my life.

I miss my mum. That's all I need to say.

I am missing out on my sisters Children. I have never even met Harry. To them me and mine are not family they do not know us.

My brother has his engagement party this weekend. I would kill to be able to be there. They told me today they are expecting there first baby. Such joyful news. Yet its had me on my knees crippled by what I refer to as people sickness. Ah well tomorrow is a new day.

Things to be thankful for

Its very easy to slip into a woe is me mentality. I should know. I have spent the past 8-9 months thinking moaning and lambasting what is WRONG with my life. Well the sun is shining and my mood is uplifted by it. So today I am going to count what I have to be thankful for.

Four healthy children. The thing I should be most thankful for. From four pregnancies I have four healthy babies. I see people who would make the most fantastic parents struggling to conceive and realize the world is an unfair place. I see women lose longed for babies before they even have a chance to meet them. So yes I am thankful for my boys. They may drive me to distraction at times I may want to throttle them on occasion but they are also the single biggest joy in my life. They provide me with more love than I ever knew was possible. They can make me roar with laughter well up with tears and pull my hair out with frustration.

I am thankful for my friends. They say friends are the family you choose for yourself. The friends back in the UK that I may not speak to every day or even every month anymore but who will always be at the end of a phone when I need them and vice versa Jo I mean you. The new friends here. I really should make more of an effort with you but life has a habit of getting in the way on both sides you guys have really helped me feel happier here. My mum friends and friends that live in the computer. I would seriously be lost without you lot. You offer unbiased broad spectrum opinions very large shoulders practical advice practical help and are there with a pull yourself together when needed. When I get back to the UK there are a number of you I intend on visiting be warned.

My health. I am physically healthy. I have had no major health concerns. There are brave people out there battling with illness and ill health and every time I look at them I am in awe. I am also mentally well although i am sure there are those who would challenge that. I love the saying Mental illness is not a sign of being weak. Its a sign you have been strong for too long.

So there we have it 3 things I can be thankful for. I could of course carry on but 3 is enough for today I don't want to overwhelm myself now do I

Skipping way ahead of myself

I completely forgot about this. Well Okay I was to lazy to bother. Whats been happening? I shall update without giving too much detail otherwise I will be here for hours. Then from here on in I can carry on as normal

Husband was diagnosed with depression suspected Bi polar. He was not in a good place. Had to give up work was a total mare to live with.

I returned to the workforce so we were not destitute. This was nice I enjoyed it. been at home however seemed to worsen husbands condition. So we swapped back again

Marriage is stuck between a rock and a hardplace right now uncertain what the future holds.

Kids are all still alive and kicking.

So we reach October 2010 hopefully I can pull my finger out and keep on top of this now.